I Have Not Stepped On a Scale Since I Was Pregnant

Dean turned 2 in March. It seems so long ago that I was bursting at the seems with my little guy. The day I found out I was pregnant I put away my scale. Obviously I was going to gain weight but I didn't want that to become something I focused on. There were so many wonderful and exciting things to put my energy into, I didn't want weight to become a source of negative energy. I even told my midwife that I didn't want to know my weight, or how many pounds I gained, unless she was concerned about it. All she ever told me was that I "looked good" so I'll take that as it was a healthy weight.

To this day I have no idea how much weight I gained or what my final weigh in was. I can't even tell you what size pants I wore because I only wore maternity pants with the belly bands built in. It wasn't until right around this last Thanksgiving, that I started wearing my "normal" pants again. (The maternity leggings I won't give up because they are so comfy.) They fit my new body kind of weird but they get the job done.

While I have an idea about how much I weigh now, I can honestly say I don't care to know. It's just a number and that doesn't mean much to me. Right now I am just going by how I feel, and I'm starting to feel good. There was a point last week where I actually felt sexy. Friends, I don't know the last time I felt genuinely sexy. Aaron tells me I'm "sexy" and "smokin' hot" but these aren't words that I would have used (in the last 2+ years) to describe myself. All this time I've settled with "cute" or "ok-sure-whatever". It felt GOOD to feel sexy.

There are days, though, when my thoughts are very far from positive. Those days I try not to focus on it. Instead I'll wear as much black as possible, pick a different feature (eye, hair) & focus on that, or put heels on and say "fake it til you make it, Sarah!". This works most of the time.

My point is, my goal weight isn't a weight at all, but me feeling content with myself. It's about looking in the mirror and smiling at what I see. It doesn't matter to me if that means I'm bigger, smaller, or about the same as before. My body shape has changed (my waist and boobs say hi). Instead of changing the size of my waist line, I am working toward changing my outlook of myself.

This mama has stretch marks, rolls, cellulite, dull skin, and is overall slightly more round, but these things aren't terrible. They are all visible signs of what I have done in my life- not just my pregnancy (but mostly my pregnancy). Aaron finds my body sexy- so should I.

What sort of things do you do to help keep a positive body image post-baby? I would love to hear from you other mama's out there!

Shared Toddler and Mama Meals - Rainbow Buffet

Trying to figure out what solids a little one will eat can be tricky. There are times when it is downright frustrating.

Why don't you like pancakes? They are so good!

While I was trying to loose baby weight, I would eat five small meals a day and time them with my son's meals. One of my favorite meals was (and still is) extremely simple: a smorgasbord of lots of different foods that require little or no preparation. The key with this, though, is to not over do it and eat the rainbow.

The two biggest benefits to it for me are that it can be a very healthy & balanced meal and it ends up being more appealing and appetizing because of the colors. A delicious and happy sight.

Some of the foods I use for this meal:

Red: tomatoes, pepperoni, salami, raspberries, ketchup
Orange: Oranges, cheddar cheese, bell pepper, carrots
Yellow: tamagoyaki, corn, bananas
Green: Pickles, avocado, spinach,
Blue: blueberries,
Purple: blackberries, jelly
Pink: ham, tuna, salmon
Black: olives
White: turkey, cottage cheese, Baby Bell cheese, rice, mayo dish
Brown: Little Smokies, bread, crackers, granola, hummus, peanut butter

I keep the meal balanced by having one portion of protein, one portion of carbs, and how ever many portions I want of fruits and veggies. For example:

- 3-4 cherry tomatoes, 3 baby carrots, a big fork full of pickle slices, olives, one Baby Bell cheese, and 6 Little Smokies.

- One serving size of sliced salami, nectarine slices, couple slices of cheese, stuffed cherry peppers, small handful of blueberries, half an avocado, and a serving size of crackers.

- Peanut butter and jelly sandwich (cut into quarters), bananas, small bowl of spinach with olive oil & red pepper flakes, and carrots.

It may not seem like a lot, but once you plate it up and eat it, you'll find that you really are satiated and contently full.

This works for little ones too. At least it has for my son, and my nieces and nephews. Chopped up into tiny bite size pieces, arranged in a rainbow, shapes, or little designs. My son eats especially well when I make this for lunch. The food is easy for him to pick up and consume all by his independent self.

Do you ever have meals like this? What is your favorite items to use? Does your kiddo have a favorite?

Growing Pains or We're Going To Need A Bigger Boat

I have a vivid memory when I was 5 or 6 and waking up crying because I was hurting. No place in particular and all over at the same time. I remember my mom giving me a hug and tucking me back into bed saying "It's just growing pains. It will pass." My son is having his own growing pains and his cries remind me of that memory. I hold him, and rock him, and whisper "It will pass, my Love". My heart hurts for him, but I know it really will pass.

Now that I am all "grown up" I thought my time for growth was done. Physically this is true- I will never be taller than my current 5 foot 4 self. On the inside, though, I'm suddenly feeling new pains. My head and my heart are both experiencing unexpected growth and change.

The amount of love I have for my husband and son makes my heart swell, and every day I feel it get larger. It's crazy because I didn't think I could feel any more love for these two than I already do. Sometimes the feeling is so strong that my heart will seize up, a lump will fill my throat, and I'll be on the verge of tears. The power of love is staggering.

My expanding heart is not the only thing that brings me to tears lately. There is a part of me that feels suddenly lost. The person who I see in the mirror isn't always reflecting the person I feel inside. My brain is struggling with reconciling the gal I am (mama in her 30's), the gal I feel I should be (the cute young gal who runs a video game store), and the gal I want to be (both). That probably sounds nonsensical. I'm not sure I can properly express the disconnect or the anxiety it makes me feel.

An example would be me struggling to get dressed each morning. While I want to wear super nerdy shirts and look relate-able at work, my personal style is changing to be more chill. Ultimately it is my store and I can wear whatever I want (and I do). I feel like I have spent the last five years building a persona at the store and I'm scared to change it. What if I don't stand out or people don't take me seriously? Where is the happy medium? Is there a happy medium?

I feel like I have a lot more growing to do to make room for this new me, whoever she is and however she is dressed. She will have taken taken bits from all the conflicting parts and turned it into a great big ball of contentment and confidence. So a lot of room, a lot of growth, is needed. In the mean time I will hurt, but it will pass.

Things I've Learned In My Two Years of Being a Parent

What can I say about time and kids that doesn't sound dumb and cliche? Nothing that hasn't been said before, so all I'll say is: GAH! TWO YEARS! That baby I gave birth to isn't a baby anymore, but a walking talking bundle of energy that doesn't nap and has learned that how to open & close doors. Which, by the way, is terrifying.

Since his birthday I have had the chance to reflect on all the things that have changed. Not just basic things like his height or weight, but the less noticeable things. Things like:

- I'm not surprised or upset when I'm at work and find snot, avocado, and juice on my clothes.

- Dry shampoo and Downy Wrinkler Releaser are the two most used items in my house.

- My little independent spirit just isn't going to want to snuggle when I want to snuggle (or ever) and that is okay.

- Sometimes the plain no-seam nylon panties are just as sexy as the lacy satin panties.

- Spoiling my appetite with Girl Scout cookies while cooking the family dinner is totally a thing that happens.

Most of all I am in awe with the amount of love I have for this sweet boy. Honestly I have no idea how he fills my hearts up more each day. There are times my breath catches in my chest and my heart clinches and stops, and I am almost completely overwhelmed. It is a scary and wonderful feeling. One I look forward to feeling again and again as he keeps growing.

Ketchup Art - Meal Time Fun

Getting a toddler to sit down and eat can be a challenge. I've heard this from every other parent I've talked to. So why was I surprised when I started having troubles getting our little man to eat? No clue, but I'm not going to waste time worrying about it. My strategy most times with him is: "quick, distract him!" In this case my go-to distraction is ketchup pictures.

During one trip to Daiso in Seattle, I ran across a small condiment bottle that didn't have a whole in the top made yet. This allowed me to cut the hole as small as I wanted, which would be perfect for decorating bento's. Or meals in general. It all started with me making "ketchup stars". I would sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and draw out shapes as I sang. Dean was really into it, so I started doing it more often.

When Twinkle Twinkle Little Star didn't work, I started singing another one of his favorites, Boku Wa Kuma, and started to draw bears. The combination of singing and him watching me draw the designs seemed to get him interested in eating. Most of the time it's only for a few bites, but I feel like even then I'm still winning the fight. His excitement for the ketchup designs has inspired me to get more creative with it.

Thomas the Train, for instance, has a black smoke stack made of sliced olives, and white smoke made of cottage cheese. The face is so terrible, but Dean thought it was the best thing ever. I was barely able to snap the picture before he dug into his food. That's a big win in my book!

Trixie from Toy Story is a current favorite character of his right now, so she's popped up a few times on plates. Drawing dinosaurs is hard! Luckily my kid isn't a critic. He even recognized BB-8 despite the botched "thumbs up". Buzz Lightyear and Peppa Pig were both successes as well. This is something I can see myself continuing for as long as he likes it. It doesn't take much time to do, it's actually pretty fun, and it seems to get him to eat with less hassle.

Some other pictures I've thought of doing in the future are a line of trains (Thomas, Percy & Gordon), Itsy Bitsy Spider, a tractor, a big red London bus (of Tractor and Bus fame).

Are there any little tricks that you do to help get difficult eaters to eat?