Body Issues

Body image rant incoming, so please skip this if you don't want to read about this mama's body issues.  I won't be offended if you peace out, promise.

First off, know that before I go into this rant, I am, at the end of the day, fine with my body. Right now my body is in the shape it is in because I had a baby. Currently my baby is not interested in solid so everything he needs he's getting from me. The most important thing is Dean's health, so if that means I have some extra weight on me so be it. My body is helping his little body grow. My rational self knows that everything is really ok, it's just that my emotional self was pretty bummed.

Today was rough. I'm pretty sure I lived a day within the first two hours of Aaron being gone at work. Nothing too terrible happened, just lots of little things that added up. Me and Dean weren't on the same page which made this morning difficult. It took me four hours to eat breakfast, shower, and get dressed. This has never happened before and stressed me out so I didn't have a great attitude going into getting dressed.

And by not having a great attitude, I mean my brain decided it was going to see an extra 20 pounds on my tummy, which made me hate everything I wore. I felt that everything I put on drew attention to my belly. There might as well have been big neon arrows pointing to my midsection. Melodramatic, I know, but this is how I felt.

See that thing poking out right below my belly button area?  That's the button of my pants.  It sticks out because I use hair ties to secure my pants close.  (My belly area is two pants sizes larger than my hips and waist~ talk about awkward.)  I feel like the button draws attention to my belly, which is embarrassing. I can't leave my pants unbuttoned and unzipped, and belly bands squeeze too tight, so this is what I do. Whatever works, right?

I asked Aaron to take those pictures of me so I could remember what I looked like and how I felt about myself at the end of the the day. I asked him to do this because I ended up feeling fine about how my body looked in my clothes. It's really not that bad. And I'm sure no one even noticed my button, let alone cared. I want to remember this. Despite all my wallowing and melodrama, my body is just fine the way it is.

So why was I being so hard on myself?  I don't know.  Maybe it's hormones.  Maybe I'm just being impatient to see results from all the working out I've done this month. While I am starting to feel results from working out, it is going to take a little while before I start to see the results I want to see. I need to be ok with that. And I am, I just need to remember to be patient.

Life is too short to get too wrapped up in worrying about my tummy. In all honesty, I'd rather spend that time and energy with Aaron and Dean. They make me so happy, and I want to give them the best ME. I can't do that when I'm wallowing. I will be strong for them. Like Hulk Hogan and (pretend) 24 inch "pythons" strong.

Eve C said...

Honestly I didn't even notice!
Body acceptance is tough on us all.
I think you're looking better everytime. Keep it up.

KnittedFox said...

Thanks Eve! It's tough but doable. :D

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